Just Looking Back

Some thoughts on this year and a look to the future. I'm not ready to make resolutions yet, though I know I'm running out of time.

At the dinner table on Christmas, we each reflected on the good and bad of the past year. For me, graduation was definitely a high point. It was the symbolic closing of one chapter, and beginning of another. Of course I had no idea that the new chapter would be living at home for 6 months, but no complaints, it was great while it lasted.

Today, I examined how I came to be where I'm at now over the course of a year. I started interviewing a little over a year ago... and those companies I will list and discuss briefly.

Port Authority - I did it to see what would happen, and it was my first interview. It was good practice.

Citigroup - Went second round for a job that is mostly programming, even though I don't like programming. I would have caught on fast enough, I am good at it, I just don't enjoy it. I learned that I need to show I have a clearer idea of my goals during the interviews, and to be careful what I say. I was asked where else I interviewed - saying Port Authority definitely doesn't show that I know what I want to do.

Texas Instruments - I interviewed for a project engineering position that wanted more experience than I had. It was good they brought me in to talk, but again, in retrospect, it would not have been something I enjoyed. I really wanted to work with RFID, and they have a big development division BUT that wasn't the division I was applying to. I at least saw it as a foot in the door, but what I have is 10x better now.

Verizon - they were interviewing me for a management position. I was excited, but again, they wanted more experience than I had.

Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce - I had an internship there summer before sophomore year. I was excited about the interview. It was for a position I was overqualified for, it wasn't paying my target either, but again I'm confident enough in my skills that I knew I'd move up fast enough. They said no though, possibly because of what I was undoubtedly going to do - if they gave me the job at that salary, I would keep looking and leave when I found a higher paying one, and that could have been weeks later.

This company - honestly exactly what I want to be doing right now. Not exactly the most ideal geographic location, but everything else, including cost of living is great (compared to NY). I was very specific with RFID on this resume, because with all my time to think, I knew that's something I want to work with and learn more about. I honestly think they didn't need me, but their RFID team is small and they were looking to bring on a new, young mind. I really think I'm supposed to go, since I don't have a relationship right now to keep me here, its a technology I want to work with, a great company, and I had to wait so long and hear so many NOs first.

So this year is all about self-development. The biz plan is done and ready for execution, I'm moving south... I won't have as much free time as now, but I'm going to go to the gym more (great company facilities), and I may start taking some classes (good way to meet people) at the University of Arkansas. Lets me chip away at my masters since I already have some credit towards it.

Last night I went to a mini high school reunion. I saw some people I haven't seen since graduation. It was a lot of fun. Some people (one person really, not me) had too much to drink. It was good seeing that person in particular though, its been a while (too long).

Screen name change is coming soon. I have to think of something really good that doesn't have the year at the end - I did that because its my graduation year, but that's all done now. Any ideas?

~JL

Just In...

It looks like my trip to Arkansas was a taste of what is to come. I will be relocating soon. Not where I had pictured myself, but I will be doing work I enjoy, and it will be a great start to my career. Can't give more details than that... blog rule #4454 - you can talk about work, just don't say where. Feel free to contact me directly if you want to know more.

Now I know that a lot of what I was writing up to this point has been screw work and start business. Well, I still somewhat have that mentality, so I know the dual source of income is necessary and I am working on it... just had to mention that so I don't sound like a hypocrite. But if I can do something I enjoy waking up to do, and get paid for it, then why not do it?

So they say good things come to those who wait, well, then I guess patience is everything. I was very impatient at times, and I had to hear a lot of NOs in order to get to this yes, but I think it was all worth it.

I'm excited about it because I know it is a new chapter. I almost feel like following SQ and starting a new blog about it, but I won't just yet, I'll wait until I get down there. Some nights I struggle trying to force myself to write, but I'm sure I won't be at a loss for material down there.

On the real though, thank you to all those who supported me through this, I felt like I would never reach the end of the tunnel, but its great to finally have. Now to make some money AND be smart about it.

~JL

Just Get Over It

My brother looked in the fridge yesterday and got upset. He said, "Now what maniac came along and left an egg right here on the edge of the shelf? Clearly someone has no regard for my valuable time, since if I were the one to knock it down, I'd have to be the one to clean it up." He wasn't serious, but he decided to put it with the rest of the eggs in the egg container.

Today, Dad opened the fridge to get an egg to make scrambled eggs. He takes one out and gets ready to break it. Then he said, "What nut put a hard-boiled egg with the rest of the eggs in the container?"

I'm only able to tell the story because I happened to be in the kitchen at both times. I'm starting to feel like a fly on the wall. Makes me wonder how often things like that happen, but go unnoticed because there is no observer present.

So it turns out that one of the latest episodes of "Everybody Hates Chris" stated that Santa Clause is not real, and never resolved it at the end. I saw where it was going halfwaythrough the episode, and I said "they better fix this by the end, otherwise they'll be in trouble." I thought they'd have a quick 20 second scene where presents appear magically, or something like that. Surprisingly, when they didn't resolve it, I didn't give it a second thought, until I saw a news article about it today. (Click on the picture to read the article).

So a lot of people complained about the fact that their kids were asking them questions about whether Santa was real after seeing that show. The network received a lot of phone calls about it... but the news article pointed out that this show used "the N word" in the first episode and it "passed with relatively little notice."

~JL

Just Refreshed

Sometimes I know there is a lot on my mind, but I have no idea what to write. So I start listening to some music, and undoubtedly something comes along. Today was Leela James, because I was listening to Lauryn Hill's Miseducation a little earlier, and the only other album I know of with that kind of production is Leela's. (Commissioner Gordon was the main producer on both albums). My favorite on Leela's album is "When You Love Somebody." I heard it and I immediately thought of Lauryn Hill and her sound... for a while I thought Lauryn produced it. Its the oooooo's in the background, and the horns that do it for me.

After reading Dizzy's blog it was somewhat refreshing to know that what I write here has some sense to it. Sometimes I think that what's on my mind is only applicable to my mind, but its even better to know that others can relate. That's what its all about isn't it? We all go through similar experiences, make similar observations... yet at many times we feel our own problems are unique, when the truth is someone you know has been there before and made it through. That's my thing with music. There is a song for every situation out there. Knowing you aren't alone is a big help. It usually doesn't give answers, but at least its consoling.

SQ, sounds like you did the right thing. Letting someone know how you felt looks like it led to good things. Too bad most people don't have that courage, or when they do, I think more often than not, it doesn't lead to such good outcomes... BUT that is no reason to stop trying. See, as Dizzy spoke about, I think its in everyone's best interest to keep things as simple as possible... yeah, you can be cool about it, but why waste time thinking too much?

The best advice my uncle ever gave me was to just be myself, because at that time I was being what I thought the other person wanted me to be. It took a while to learn, but if someone isn't going to like you for you, then both parties are wasting time. And "Me" is not the sterotype, as I've spoke about before. My brother and I grew up differently from others, pretty sheltered. We went between home, school and church. Sometimes we had friends over, sometimes we went to their house, but as far as freedom is concerned, we felt very free while confined to our backyard. Maybe that's how it was for a lot of people, but what I'm getting it is that we've always been supervised, to the point where I don't think there was ever any chance for us to get into any big trouble. One year I signed up for AOL with fake credit card info though but I used my Dad's name and his work office address. Why? I just saw the fields to fill out on the screen to get AOL... I didn't know they were so important, and that I or he would potentially get in trouble for it. I guess I was in 5th or 6th grade at the time. Long story short, they got to the bottom of it, and I didn't really get into much trouble, just knew not to do it again.

I digressed from the point that I don't have. But if I have to make one on the spot, I'll say that as much as stereotypes are applied to a large group of people, and as much as people try to conform to stereotypes, we are all different people... and sometimes the most refreshing thing is to have someone new come up to you and talk to you, as I experienced in Arkansas. Imagine if you can give someone that refreshing feeling, regardless of how they receive it, they'll either become a friend, or you'll never see them again. So lets break out of our shells... if we were all the same, if stereotypes were true, this place would be pretty boring.

~JL

Just In Arkansas???

Well, I'm back now. I went to Arkansas for reasons I won't discuss just yet... maybe if you contact me directly. I have tons of stories, but I'll only og over a few of the most surprising things.

Northwest Arkansas is booming... I know its Arkansas, but I was surprised... so much new construction it really rememinded me of some areas of Virginia I've been to.

Story #1
I went to Copeland's restaurant by my hotel to get some catfish. I went in and sat at the bar to make a take out order, next to two people who looked about my age. Within seconds of sitting down, one asked me how I was doing. I was SHOCKED. Never has an absolute stranger asked me how I'm doing. Striking up a conversation with someone you don't know??? that's not very New York like - hence my shock. But it was a pleasant surprise... they were cool people, and they bought me a "welcome to Arkansas" shot.

Story #2
My hotel was unique, full of suites. Just enough to be comfortable. There was a room they called "the cupboard" full of snacks, drinks, etc... all with an associated price tag. The woman at the check-in counter said it works by "The Honor System." I was SHOCKED. I didn't know what was more surprising, that they use the honor system, or that everything was still there.

How the honor system developed... originally it was just called the system - everything operated where people would come in and pay the associated amount, without having to be monitored. The day something got stolen, it became the Honor System. Now, it was my belief that after the second time something was stolen, they did away with the honor system, but apparently some parts of the United States still have it... interesting.

Story #3
I only saw 3 Black people (5 if you include the 2 at the airport - but they were at the airport - they weren't staying). It was almost 4 until I realized that I saw the same person twice. That wasn't too surprising though.

Story 4#
It snowed, but its supposed to be 60 degrees by the end of the week.

Can't think of anything else. I figured if another story comes I'll just edit the entry, but I probably won't. It was a good trip though, definitely an eye-opening experience. Its easy to get caught up with the New-York way of life... i.e. GO GO GO GO GO

~JL

Just Enough

Watching Music Videos, I realize there is a crisis, exactly what Leela James has been talking about. I want to believe "A Change is Gonna Come," but I don't see it. Why the hell did Busta Rhymes choke someone with a chain in his new video? There's no apparent storyline or reason to do it... and regardless, its senseless, and its only a music video.

Stunted Growth

At a NSBE town hall meeting last year, one of the topics discussed was the very negative image Black people have in society, and the role, if any, that music had in this. I can't remember who the panelist was that said this, but he broke down the problem very clearly.

He said that a study was done in the early 90s to see who was really buying Rap and Hip-Hop music. Surprisingly enough, the largest buyers were young teenagers, when the content itself is geared toward a mature audience. Living in a country where income is more important than consequences, the music became harder, and more explicit in terms of language and sexuality... why? becuase the younger demographic eats it up. At the rebellious stage, there is nothing better than listening to music saying the words, and talking about doing exactly what your parents tell you not to. I remember when I got the Fugees album in 7th grade... I know exactly what he is talking about. It did seem liberating to have that kind of forbidden content in the house. But the image is powerful, and instead of growing, many of our people conform to the content in the lyrics thinking it is a way of life, when it is deliberately geared to a younger audience so that they will buy. I cannot think of any other reason why the music I hear is so explicit. For me, I recognize a tight beat when I hear it, all I ask on top of that is that the flow is tight... I could care less what you're talking about... and personally, I think most people can. A positive image in rap isn't soft, its just not what sells, such is the case in "conscious" rappers such as Talib Kweli and Mos Def. I think if the beats are next level, and the lyrics are positive and still entertaining, maybe we can reclaim this art for ourselves... or as Leela James says, fall back in love with music.

Image

My favorite music videos and artists are the ones that portray black people beautifully (India Arie, Musiq, even Sean Paul sometimes, since it is about entertainment). I think those images have more potential to sell than false images of excessive opulence. I made a comment in a humanities class once, with a white professor (can't remember what the comment was), but she responded, "Justin, White America has always embraced the Black culture, just never the people." What does that tell you? We already know, Black sells, and it doesn't have to be what we see now, so why are we selling images of diamonds, platinum grillz, spinning rims? What point is being made? These companies aren't supporting making the music video, so why include it and have them get rich off of your work? Why not start a company and include images of that product in the video? That makes more sense to me, but people like me don't have a say in those decisions. As for the fine living, I want that too, and if done right, it can be positive, but when Russell Simmons shows me a $24,000 toilet, or Master P shows me a golden ceiling, I can't agree with that. All that motivates someone to do is spend irresponsibly. Mary J. Blige's new video is done well. It shows fine living and positive images of Black people, without going overboard.

Degradation

Why are most music videos soft porn? Well, besides the reason that it sells, we have become forcibly content with seeing our women portrayed that way. I'm personally tired of it, because I know the problem will get worse before it ever gets better. I think that not enough has been done by Black women to combat this image. Unless all the rhetoric is being silenced, then I hear nothing about it at all. I say that only because I believe there are many fewer Black men that will do something about it than women. Again, this is something that can be done responsibly. There is nothing wrong with portraying the beauty of Black women through art, but that can only be done if you also show that the woman respects herself, and that the men around her respect her as well.

I'm declaring war... you heard it here first. We cannot grow as a culture until we fix this image... and an image this powerful will take years to fix. All I ask for now is that we are all mindful of what we portray in what we do, since as young & soon to be successful black professionals, I certainly hope we will have power to influence major decisions appropriately. I have been called white many times, and sadly and most recently, my sister (12 years old) has as well. That is the problem this image has created... regardless of how much I love my people, our culture, or our art, because of speaking correctly and not conforming to the mainstream image, we are not our color. I'm upset, but I'm not phased by it anymore... I just wish she didn't have to go through it.

~JL

Just Reason #1

Thought about Lauryn Hill earlier today... not sure why, but I've been pressed to think of any other successful singer/MCs. She is the ONLY one that comes to my mind... and that's likely why she was so successful. If any others come to mind, let me know. Missy tries but I don't think she sings seriously, its not really the same.

After a day of media attention, and some more thought... I will not retract my statement from yesterday, but I will agree that what Mr. Trump did was not fair. It always seems so easy to play the race card, so I leave it until its blatent, but its times like these when you can't think of any other reason. I want to believe he just made a mistake, that it was a stupid question to ask, but I'm sure the decision for who to hire was made long prior to the actual finale, and as such, the decision to ask Randal that question was also made.

While I stated yesterday that I might have considered the other option, the point is that such a choice should not have even had to be made. But that question was a surprise to me... it wasn't to Randal. Had I thought about it prior, I would have went his route - and if you listened carefully to the show... Randal knew which direction it was going... with my favorite quote he said to the previous contestants, "If you believe I should be the SOLE apprentice, stand up... that's reason #1."

~JL

Just A Good Day

Well, I have to admit, I had the same reaction Randal did when he won. I was overjoyed. I feel like its a major achievement not only for him personally, but for Black people in the public eye. He definitely seems like one of the people that will help fix this negative stereotype Black men, and Black people have. I touched on that yesterday (read yesterday's entry, its a great preface).

If it were me, I would have picked the Jersey City project... but the casino project is just different, and something that very few people have a chance to be a part of. Real Estate is everywhere, big casino/hotel complexes like that aren't. Also, when Trump asked the last question about whether he would hire Rebecca, I have to admit I would have, but Randal's foresight makes him right. There is only one Apprentice... had she also been hired, the competition would have just continued into the workplace. However, I would have said yes because she is impressive, not as impressive, but to come that far... to be second best as a 23 year old... even if she didn't compare, that is an achievement.

Besides that, I found out I'll be travelling early next week, and I'm excited about a cruise I'll be going on in late April. Last time I was on a cruise I was in 1st grade. I don't remember it much at all, but the details I do remember are very vivid... such as our cabin number 4109 (mom and dad made me memorize it). It was a lot of fun, but I can only imagine how much fun it will be now, being old enough to sip. I hope they have catfish...

~JL

Just in Harlem

Spent some time with friends in Harlem last night... always a good time. Great food at a soul food restaurant called Copeland's. I am a Catfish fan. If its on the menu, I'm having it... I have yet to have catfish I didn't enjoy... each place is noticeable different, but always good.

Things I learned last night...

Don't expect the A train to run express just because its supposed to.

Somewhere between the year 1999 and 2001 (high school graduating classes), generally, the internet went from a nice tool to a necessity... I'll explain:

- During school, if my internet went out, I felt empty. I felt like there was nothing I could do with my computer. Minutes and sometimes hours of terrible waiting for connectivity to return, then, when it finally did, I opened AIM, checked my email, and then went and did some work. The internet has become a pacifier. I need to know its there. Most people don't need to check e-mail at 3AM in the morning, I don't have to usually... but if 3AM rolls around, I want to know that I CAN check it. I would say its an addiction, except I can go days without being on the internet... I just need to know its there for when I do need it.

Yet, I'll speak to friends about 2 years older than me, and they don't feel that need. Some use the internet at work, and don't need it at all at home... even after 4 years of constant broadband connectivity at school. I don't understand.

Last, and possibly a premature statement, but solely based on conversation last night, I am against Sanaa Lathan's new movie, "Something New". Somewhat contradictory to my earlier entry "Just Crashed" from October which touched on interracial relationships... I just don't want to see a movie about it. The comment made by a girl in the convo last night was, "Now you'll know how we feel." If that's the case, if that's the reason for the movie, then fine, I feel for women (I already did)... but the "you" in that sentence, referring to "me"... is EXACTLY what the problem is... stereotypes. Of course she didn't mean me personally, but she meant men in general... and while I'm a man, I can't say I want to be associated with the "man" stereotype... because it sucks. I try and be the best man possible yet I'm immediately at a disadvantage because of men that have done black women wrong enough times to make them date outside of the race. Yes, I'm talking about when black women are DRIVEN to dating outside the race.

Being totally honest, and I never write with the intent to offend anyone, this is just me... when I see a Black woman with a White man... a few things go through my mind. First I wonder, "What is she doing?" because usually its a FINE black woman. Now I know that reaction isn't the best, but it immediately changes to me realizing that its not her fault... its our fault as Black men (generally) but I'd say mainly its the fault of the stereotype applied to us Black men. Now speaking from the standpoint of how I thought when I wrote "Just Crashed," I will take people as they come. My preference is dating within my race, but I do think it is ignorant to cross everyone else off the list, because as much as you can be firm in your decisions, you can meet someone the next day that changes everything for you... so while I have my opinions, I'll be sure not to judge any book by its cover.

Step up your game fellas... we're losing our queens. I'll be damned if someone drives my would be future queen to the other side.

~JL

Just Felt Something

I felt something, so I'm going to try and write about it... somewhat in response to a friend's blog. I don't want to use my normal method of writing, where its persuasive, but that's what happens when I don't get specific, so persuasive it is.

Why is it that you can meet someone, or know someone and feel like they are the one for you... (not love at first sight, but enough for you to know that the someone is special or worth knowing), yet you try and do everything possible, as much as you can, and things don't go your way? For me, keeping that knowledge in the back of your mind, knowing that you want to be perfect for/in front of the person you like, adds so much pressure. In many cases, it causes things to backfire.

So they say, just be yourself, well, maybe yourself isn't the norm, in a sense that what works for many is not what you have to offer. That should be a good thing, but when you come off as being different, you are seen as such, and its not necessarily received as a good thing. I'm not complaining... I'm content... but I've digressed from the point I'm really trying to get to...

Unfortunately, I've been hurt enough to be slightly immune to it. I don't put myself out there like I should, even though that's what I wish people did more of. It avoids all the games people play... and like Dizzy said, just makes things a lot simpler in the long run. But what I don't understand is how the mind or the heart lets you get so carried away. Having an active imagination does more bad than good in these cases. Sure you picture all the possible outcomes in your mind, and can even get carried away with thinking about a future with that person. All this before you've made a move... and its devastating when things don't go your way. So isn't this the root of all the games people play? Using the mind to protect the heart, even though the heart makes things as simple as possible... we try and make it a calculating process, where ultimately, no one wins.

Then there is that delicate balance, where you want more than friendship, but friendship is going well. Trying to push for more can change everything... so then its all or nothing... and most people definitely don't want the nothing... so is going for all worth it? At the same time, if you're going to live an emotionless existence, then its not worth living... and you miss 100% of chances you don't take... so there's no chance of success if you don't take the chance. What's the answer? There is none. But its easy to get caught up thinking about it. I guess I look at everything as being a problem with a solution... maybe I'm still using the mind too much.

~JL

Just On the Grind

Its been a while. I've been keeping occupied, mainly with my business plan. Its coming along well, and it really takes writing one to understand the business inside and out... otherwise its just a good idea. Making it a plan makes you work out the logistics and you come across the little problems you wouldn't have thought about otherwise. Its also surprisingly long, in my eyes, but I honestly haven't looked at what a business plan is supposed to look like, I've just been putting in everything I think should go into it... what I would want to see if someone gave it to me.

Where did the extra motivation come from? My business plan was dead for a good month... most of the progress happened since last Thursday. I had an idea. I decided as much as I wanted to get it done, I wouldn't unless I had a deadline that existed outside of my world, because in my world I can just keep pushing the deadline back. So I sent a friend an instant message, and said I would have the biz plan to them by 7PM on Wednesday. Its a reasonable deadline, but I set it knowing that I'd have to be pretty dedicated in order to meet it... and so far so good. So now, just like in school, it isn't about me, its about producing something to meet a deadline for someone else. Effective, but I shouldn't have to do that in order to get stuff done.

Another plug for my cousin - http://www.corinnebaileyrae.net/ . Apparently my uncle (not her dad) that lives in her home town couldn't get tickets to her show before it sold out. Its getting that serious over in the UK.

One of my favorite movies growing up was Back to the Future... because I was glad I knew how to use the VCR and it was the only movie I could find around... so I watched it over and over. Only recently did I watch it again and actually understand what was going on, even though I remembered everything about it. I always wondered about time travel. The rest of this entry delves into science, but it is something to think about... I won't go too in depth... but time travel is possible, just not the way we'd like to think it is.

Everything you perceive has already happened. If a train is a mile away, and you hear the whistle... the whistle actually blew 5 seconds earlier. Or, even better example, and my reason for writing this. The light from a star takes years to reach Earth, and as such, when the star dies, to stop receiving the light also takes years. We could be looking at a star in the sky that actually no longer exists. They say time travel isn't possible, when in reality, everytime you look into the sky, you are looking into the past.

Interesting comment on human progress - the nearest star (besides the sun) is 26 light years away. (1 light year = distance light travels in 1 year)
The furthest man has been, the moon, is only a little over 1 light second away. We have a long way to go.

I wanted to be an astronaut a long time ago. This sort of thing stays on my mind.

Turns out Virgin Atlantic recently announced that once you acquire enough frequent flyer miles (2 million I think) they will let you turn them in for a trip into space. Better get flying.

~JL

Just Driven

How do you define success? I haven't answered that for myself yet, but I do know part of the answer. A lot of it has to do with the company you keep. My dad once told me he used to be infatuated with material things (big house, nice car etc...) - I've been caught up from time to time. Material things are very seductive, i.e. the BMW 645 coupe.



But, he put it all in perspective for me one day by saying, "Once you have a wife and start a family, you realize what is really important. Its not about material things, its about providing for your family." Very true... I still hope to get my 645 one day, but as much as I may want to put myself in the position to have one, depending on my situation, it may be the least important thing to have.

I was reminded tonight that blogs allow you to quickly reference what is being talked about... for example, if I'm bad mouthing pop culture, there should be a link to a perfect example... or at least pictures. Well, I see how easy it is to add pictures now, so I'll do my best to keep it even more interesting.

Some random music stuff...

If its screwed and chopped... I don't want to hear it. Get that ish out of here.

The music industry sucks. If you don't embrace change, you will be replaced... and I know I don't buy CDs, unless at least half of the tracks are good (which means I downloaded the entire CD already). I have yet to see them really develop something that fixes the piracy problem. Its only going to get worse for them.

Toni Braxton's and Mary J. Blige's new singles (Trippin and Be Without You) sound surprisingly similar. After doing some research, both were done by the same producers. I like them... simple, good bassline, and structured around the piano. Simplicity is elegance.

Just A Close One

I was driving today from Newark to Elizabeth... only about a 10 minute drive. I was on route 1&9, and I was doing about 55... I wasn't going crazy. I was in the center lane... and about 250 feet in front of me, I saw there was something large in the center of my lane. As with most things in the road, I visually analyzed it to figure out what it was made of... if it was a big plastic bag I could go over it, or even a plastic container of some sort... however, everything in me told me that this thing was big, heavy and made out of metal. Like something that would come out of a truck engine... I examined my options.

I had just passed a car in the lane to the right of me, and there was a truck on my left. I only had 3 choices I could make:

1. I could plow right through the thing, hoping it is harmless.
2. I could brake really hard and stop dead in my lane in front of the object.
3. I could try and switch lanes quickly.

At my speed, I only had time to make one decision and stick with it. I didn't really want to stop dead in the middle of a highway, nor did I want to take the chance and plow through it... so I decided to switch lanes. Left lane was out of the question, due to the truck. The right lane was surprisingly open, and just in time, as the car I had just passed was going slow enough that I had just enough room to get over.

That's the end of the story... to me it is exciting because I went through it. I told it to my aunt and she said, "That's it... you were telling it so well. Its anticlimactic." I said, "well what did you want? Did you want me to plow into it." She said, "no, I wanted to hear something like, 'its a good thing I moved out the way because once I passed it, the cars behind me smashed into it and BOOM(complete with the spreading out of the hands and wiggling finger motions).'" Well, my life is not a Hollywood movie, nor more specifically Bad Boys 2.

Well, I dragged that out. The rest of the day was not as eventful. I spent some time with my aunt tonight, as you can see, and that was fun. We watched Law & Order... afterward at some point Girlfriends came on while we were talking, and she kept trying to shut me up until commercials. She had seen it before though, so I changed it to a repeat of Family Guy... o how she wanted to talk then.

My brother's middle initial is S and apparently he told people trying to guess his middle name that it is Simba, as a joke of course, but u know how high school is. Everyone is talking about it. He should be a business man, because that's some great self advertising.

He's also on the varsity basketball team, and he called me the other day and said, "Justin, I think I'm going to hell. The people at school are calling me Jesus... Black Jesus." I know he's a great baskbetball player, but the Savior??? I definitely should have been at that game.

~JL

Just Spin It

Cafe Night was a success as always. This was my first year not being involved. I attended and had a consulting position, as far as making sure things got done. The acts were more diverse than they were when I helped organize, which is a good thing... this being the 11th Cafe Night, the new people took it back to how it was when it started. For a while, it was just hip-hop and R&B acts. For those who don't know, Cafe Night is a show put on every semester at Cooper. Its in its 3rd generation now, as far as organizers... 6th year and going strong.

Talked to some friends at Uno's after Cafe Night on Saturday, the usual celebration spot. All I did was have a drink, because the 20 person bill is always a disaster... people duck out before the bill comes and don't leave enough to cover their portion... I've had my share of making up the difference... so now I just get something at the bar. Anyway, we were talking about what seems to be a new trend. The topic of conversation was being different - not working, starting something up, going against the norm, being young, travelling, and not being a slave to work. I asked, "Is this a new thing???" I definitely thought I'd be working now, but maybe I'm apprehensive about starting my own thing because I've been programmed to think differently. The concensus was that this is a new thing. I mean, just think about what you are worth... in a society like this, where good ideas can make millions (like facebook)... the backgrounds many of us have can bring in much more money than the salaries we'd make working for someone else. All you need is a good idea, and then its about being smart in terms of getting it in motion. E said, "The older people are laughing at us, becuase from a business perspective, I'd want to bring in at least double what someone is costing me." Youth is on our side... tons of ideas. So if I pay someone 25k, I want their work to bring in 50k+. Bottom line, you're work brings in more for a company than they are willing to pay you. Be your own company... it is, by concensus (3 young black men) the new way of thinking. My father even said, "Justin, I grew up thinking you get an education, go to work, and provide for your family... and that is it, but i know different now." (being an accountant, he of course watches other people's money, and from what he has seen, what he was taught is not the best route, though it is the default one). So he has engrained this new way of thinking into me, because many of his clients went against the norm.

SQ mentioned the college experience and looking back. Yes, hindsight is 20/20, but even if I were to do things differently, knowing what I know now, I feel like I'd end up in the same situation. These type of thoughts are life altering, and we're at the point where decisions now can affect where we go in life... scary but exciting as well. I watched The Time Machine the other night... and no matter how he tried to go back in time and change things to save his fiancee from her fate, she still died, at the same instant in time, just in different ways. Changing the past might just be a different route to the same ending... And that ties back into your passion. These questions, such as the ones I read in SQs blog, are exactly what lead us to where we will end up... even if they are unanswered now. I'm just glad I'm asking them now.

Changing subjects, I gave Teedra Moses a listen. Record Companies suck. I couldn't even find her on the iTunes Music Store. What's the point of getting signed to a label if they aren't going to do anything for you? Can you imagine all the talent out there that you don't know about, and are missing out on? The Music Biz is broken.

Back in school, we'd meet girls from neighboring schools. Girls always received nicknames as we got to know them better. Sometimes it took a few weeks, sometimes they got the nickname the same night... but we knew not to force it and that the perfect one would come along. We met this girl named Suzette at a party, and she could dance her ass off. Her nickname, made the same night, was Tale Spin... very fitting, especially since the town in Tale Spin is called Cape Suzette. I told that story to lead into this... if I could identify myself with any cartoon character, it would be Wildcat from Tale Spin. Now my social skills are a little better than his are, but he's in his own world. I zone out from time to time... but under pressure, things will get fixed. He could fix anything.

~JL

Just Listen

An appropriate title for this entry, and also Musiq's second album. My favorite track on that one is Previouscats. "See now I'm not to blame for the pain that was caused by previouscats."

I'm letting the secret out (its not much of a secret, just something u probably didn't know). I went to Handel's Messiah tonight. I go every year... first Sunday every December. I used to play the flute in a youth orchestra, and occasionally we did Handel's Messiah. Remember, it was a youth orchestra, so most of what I did for it was forced, but I'll admit a lot of it was beneficial. I did my thing. One year, I was the concert master... yup I had some skill.

If that wasn't enough, I played a few other instruments, such as the symphonic chimes, and the english handbells. I even tried the trumpet for a while. See, I worked under a very inspirational person, Dr. Byerte Johnson (she organizes and conducts the Messaih every year). While I was young, I couldn't stand being forced to practice and perform, but she has given me the unique appreceiation I have for music. Back when I used to play, it was my release... I used to play the entire Carol of the Bells on the symphonic chimes... that was fun. The good old days.

Now, most of the people that come and listen to the Messiah are pretty old. Don't see anyone around my age... some high schoolers, but again they're probably forced to be there and perform... but I had my turn... and as much as I couldn't stand being there when I was young... I know all the music now, and it is always performed very well. I guess you could say the music is a part of me, because all those minutes of impatience before is now converted to sheer joy and appreciation. That is some classical music I will never get tired of.

I also wanted to talk about an artist named Lina. I have quickly become a big fan of her album... The Inner Beauty Movement. Its a unique sound. I can list my favorite songs, but I can't order them.

It Could Be - (This is my favorite by far)
"It could be a phase that I'm going through... maybe in a while I'll never think of you."

Leaving You
"I'm leaving you for someone who loves me... I'm leaving you for me."

Smooth (sounds just like the title says, this is her single)
"What I wouldn't do... to make this thing go smooth."

Why do I like her music so much? The tracks seem to mix in some classical music/instruments. It took some time for me to really get into the tracks, but the ones I listed above, and some others are definitely favorites. Give her a listen.

Just keep it on the down low???

"Today's Invention is Tomorrow's History"

Thom Mayne, a renowned architect, and the selected architect for Cooper Union's new building was on Charlie Rose tonight. Very interesting person. I listened to him speak to the student body, but of course tonight I learned a lot more about him. The quote at the top, something he said on the show tonight, had me thinking...

Way back in the early 90s, I asked my dad, "What do you think its going to be like in the year 2000." Now, the answer I expected included flying cars (still want to know where they are)... but he said, "Its going to be exactly how things are now."

Of course we can look back and see how far we've come over the past decade, but for the most part, his point for saying that is, when you take things one day at a time, as we all do, yesterday is not much different than today at all. Things don't feel any different, we just know they are because we compare now to then, a 10 year difference.

They say the masses are asses, and I have to agree. Without getting into a long discussion about mass culture, I will say that we are fed whatever is being currently talked about in society. Its something you will notice if you pay careful attention to things that are going on. Recently, I have seen a large number of shows on TV embracing homosexuality. Its not surprising, its just that I've lived through a significant amount of the discourse. Shows like Next on MTV, and even some episodes of Made (I've only seen previews, I have to defend that I am not a couch potato)... Its being talked about and shown so freely, that its almost as if its being fed to us. I assume my audience is my age and slightly older, imagine what this is doing to those in high school. Being impressionable by what is on television just shows how powerful television is.

Then to augment this, I was listening to Michael Basement ("That's right I said it") on the radio the other day... and he was talking about men on the DL. Antoher subject that has been talked about a lot recently. I CANNOT BELIEVE some people calling in actually believe that 50%+ of men are on the DL. Of course, their experiences may cause them to believe that, but just guessing, and being generous, I can't believe any more than 25%. I don't doubt its going on, or that its a problem... but if its as big as 50%, then I say all of those men should just be gay and leave the good women to men like me. My aunt and I talked about whether a man with a woman, or a man with a man is more of a betrayal than the other. The conclusion we came to is that they are not on the same level. A man cheating with a woman is solely a matter of trust. A man cheating with a man is a matter of trust, and means you really didn't know him.

So what does this relate to the above quote? Absolutely nothing... I just kept typing. But the quote for me represented changes... something new becomes a part of society and eventually becomes something old. Society is like a big blob accepting new things... slowly, but eventually. Is homosexuality on its way to being accepted? Hard for me to really say, but I see myself as being in a generation caught in the middle, meaning the generation before us is much more against it than we are... and based on what I've seen recently on TV, and heard on the radio, the generation behind us will likely accept it, or will accept it more easily... only because I know how powerful images are. Now, NO image is powerful enough to make me turn gay, BUT at the same time, I didn't see it at all while I was growing up. So what's going on now? Is television making this the cool thing to do?

Just Realized

I talked a long time with a good friend last night, and today with my aunt. I came to a big realization. My situation is one people would love to be in, even though at times it is negative for me... not having a job.

But I realize, people get jobs because they have to, in many cases to pay debts. I'm in a very unique situation, where I can do things people wish they could do. No looming negative numbers over my head, from here there is nothing to lose. I know I have the background and intelligence to do big things, and the last thing I want is to waste that somewhere that does not deserve it. To positively affect change is to put yourself in the position to do so. I believe the rest will fall into place.

Companies have a great deal of power. While I'm not sure exactly what direction is next for me, I know I will devote myself to a cause. Many of the problems that ail others, a loved one having cancer, or another terrible condition, I have been fortunate to not have to deal with. Many people who start foundations have had reason to do so. I do not want to wait for something to affect me to do something positive about it. I want to choose a cause, even if its general, and help people, without having been personally affected by whatever it may be.

I believe everything happens for a reason. I like to see where I end up, instead of over planning. Its not about luck, I feel like if something falls on my lap, it was meant to. My mom opened the newspaper one day and read about a new high school being built. Long story short, I went there, and its probably the reason you are reading this. My life would be very different had I gone somewhere else, still most likely good, just different.

So as for my situation, I think it has brought a sense of responsibility. This realization is one that I know I cannot dismiss. Because it is a good situation, even if it is counter to what is pushed (going to school and getting a job). I'll let you know what happens next.

Its a scary thing, and its almost as if the blog has come full circle, since this is exactly what I was saying in the beginning... but I'm sure many of you work best outside of your comfort zone, as I do. So now, its no longer a question of wanting to, or even being motivated to. Its about having to do it. Its a responsibility, and I'm not one to slack... I may ask for help though when the time comes.

~JL