Just not Happy

I went to have my car detailed. They tried to pull a fast one. My screen for the radio is damaged. It looks like a big smudge but it won't come out with anything. They're claiming its under the screen somehow. I don't doubt it, but I certainly have no idea how it got there, and it definitely wasn't like that when I gave it to them. I could tell they were trying to get me to pay pretty quickly... I'm glad I didn't.

So I'm not happy about it, it sucks to look at it, and it needs to get fixed. I'm not sure what's going to happen. So far I didn't pay for the detailing at all, and eventually when I have some time, I'm going to leave my car with the dealer to see what they can do, and how much it is going to cost. They contracted to have it detailed for me (I left the car with them) so its their responsibility anyway, so I certainly hope no one throws any dollar amounts my way. Humble responses usually get the best results, but that will only last so long. I let them know, "hey, the rest of the job is fine, I'll pay for the detailing, but someone has to pay to fix this, and its not going to be me." Its that simple. There will be BIG problems if they start throwing numbers at me, because I can tell they are going to play the, "there's no way we could have done this," or "it was like that when it came in," games, and I'm just not in the mood.

At work I'm still working to get a few mentors. There are some great, knowledgeable people there and they really seem to care about my development. I'm actually pretty surprised at the great resources available to me at this company. Its really difficult to understand without seeing, but this truly is the center of technology, and all the industry experts are here to go along with it. Better believe I'm going to take advantage.

~JL

Just Downloading

I purchased Jaheim's album like I said I would. I had to go on a little excursion today for work, so I played it in the car. I really like 3 songs, and the rest are good. Not quite the best I've paid for, but I'd say still worth it, and I'm sure the rest of the songs will get better for me.

However, there is one song on it that I will talk about. Its called "Daddy Thing."

I really like how that song was done. He does a great job at describing the situation. Its not something I've been in, but I understand and to an extent feel what he's talking about. Its about getting into a relationship with someone and supporting the child as he/she is your own. Things didn't go well for him, he ended up having a better relationship with the child than the mother.

If anyone is wondering, I'm talking about the song because I like it, any parallels to particular situations is completely coincidental, and it really doesn't even quite apply.

Jaheim gets some respect in my book. I've listened to his past few albums and I've been pretty happy with them. Guess its about time I started purchasing them. There are very few artists who's albums I will go out and buy without listening to the entire thing. When Michael Jackson drops a new album, I'm buying it right away. Jaheim is up there now, not quite on the same level, but up there. Besides that, if Lauryn Hill were to do another album, there'd be no question. Based on Damian Marley's last album, he's got my money as well. Of course my cousin is in the same category. And there are others, but I can't think of them right now. Everyone else... I'm downloading!!!

~JL

Just Making a Point

I downloaded the Jaheim album today.
I am BUYING the Jaheim album tomorrow.

~JL

Just Busy Busy Busy

Its good to keep occupied. I'm the new Region I Advisory Board Communications and Upsate Zone Chairperson. Work is really picking up. So now I have my career development, NSBE activity, and just need some more involvement in this area. I've been going to networking functions. I want some kind of similar networking group for minorities. Not that I'm partial or anything, but I've seen several fairly large different networking groups, so I think general networking is pretty much covered. I'd like to see some more minority get togethers and activities.

A friend of mine has been keeping me up to date on the new music up in the Northeast. I'm glad someone has been keeping me up to date. My brother throws a song my way from time to time. During most of college, I stayed away from the radio, but that's mainly because they overplayed songs. A lot of the good music I found to listen to wasn't on the radio, but I've realized they do play good music, it just loses points in my mind because they play so often, have so many commercials, and talk too much.

I need to use my time down here in AR for development. Working out, career development, and setting things in motion. I've always said you won't make BIG money by working for someone else. By the time they are ready to pay you big bucks, like being a CEO, your life isn't even your own anymore. So its not a want anymore, I NEED to sift through ideas and lay the groundwork for either investing or starting a business. I spoke to my mom for a little while last night. I have money and debt management under control, I just need to work with her to learn as much as I can about investing. Mom and Dad have an investment club they run. Its nice to have a good resource like that, but I won't hoard learnings. If anyone ever has any questions, just let me know, and I'll spread the knowledge.

Last - that myspace jumpoff song is TERRIBLE. Yes, its funny, but sigh, things definitely aren't getting any better.

~JL

Just Be Patient

They say good things come to those who wait. Maybe I just have to try that for a change...

~JL

Just Saddened

I am deeply saddened by the developments I have seen recently in the Middle East. My home page is BBC News, so everytime I open internet explorer I am briefed with the latest world news. For the past several days the headline has been another major bombing.

We are a long time away from solving such conflicts peacefully. What really upsets me is the terrible disregard for human life, especially those of civilians. The most recent round of bombings have killed civilians, and as far as I am concerned, that is unacceptable. I know that civilian casualties are sometimes unavoidable, but it just seems like there is no consideration at this point.

My point, if there must be war, if there must be bombs, can't we use intelligence and technology to minimize civilian casualties? Wars are between governments and sometimes organizations, not the citizens. What I have seen the past few days is... lets bomb everywhere until we get our way. I just don't think that's the solution.

~JL

Just Egocentric

I'm not going to force myself to write something deep. I'm just going to type. I didn't get to see Steve Ballmer talk yesterday, but apparently our MBA intern from Stanford - who I mentioned slightly lets his degree and school go to his head, got up at the end during Q&A to ask Steve Ballmer a question. Apparently the question was prefaced with... "Hello Steve, my name is... I'm an MBA intern here from Stanford University, so I know what I'm talking about." When I heard that, I could not believe it. I had a conversation with him later in the day to talk to give him my opinions on the problem he is working on. I had it very well drawn out for him and he also has an electrical engineering background so i put it in those terms... showing how what he is working on is an unstable feedback-based system, and just like a circuit, he can solve the problem by using the same techniques we would use in electrical engineering to make it more stable. Its not a circuit at all, its actually a very big process, but you'll find that somehow everything can be represented by sine waves, and thus solved using similar techniques. Anyway, I think he understood, but he tried to convince me that I was off track. I'm pretty much done with him.

I tried to think of an exception to representing things like sine waves, and of course the first major exception that came to mind is love. Love isn't rational, so can't be solved with rational means. I find myself to be a rational person, so I rely more on my ego (I had a great conversation with someone about this last night). However, love depends on emotion and impulse and is guided more by the id. I'll define both soon. So being that there are these different driving forces... where do two people have to fall to make a good balanced connection? Perhaps I'm still relying on my ego in trying to solve this problem... but maybe a good relationship requires a person who is id guided... or idiotic (in a good way), while the other person is ego-driven. Or perhaps both people should have a good balance of the two. I know I am a little too rational at times, thinking before I act, when sometimes, its just better to act.

I reread this and I have to explain further. Id and Ego as I mentioned them above pertain solely to how one handles emotion and relationships. Idiotic comes from the word Id, BUT of course it has come to claim a negative connotation. So, to clarify, idiotic as I use it in relation to love is a good thing, because you are being driven by your feelings and not rational thought... and that only works for love. No one wants to be in a relationship with a complete idiot.

Id - one of the three components of the human psyche defined by Sigmund Freud. The id resides in the unconscious and is driven by the pleasure principle. It is the most primitive, passionate, and irrational psychic force.

Ego - Freud divides the psyche into three parts: the ego, the id and the superego. The ego is the 'rational' part of the psyche.

Changing subjects...

My water company and I are having some differences. Since I've been here, my water consumption has been approximately 1 thousand gallons a month. For some strage reason, this month they are charging me for 13 thousand gallons. Of course, I did the math, because the main water usage is the shower, washing, and the dish washer.

I wash dishes and wash clothes once a week. I have long showers (15 minutes) every day, and I probably flush the toilet about 4 times a day. IF I used as much water as they said I did...

I would have washed my clothes once a day
I would have used the dishwasher once a day
I would have flushed the toilet 45+ times a day
AND I would have to have 3 hour long showers... every day.

I just don't think 1 person can use that much water.
I'm off to the thursday night networking dinner.

~JL

Just a Big Day...

Today was a BIG day. I had 5 different technology companies in the lab at the same time, and only 1 other person there to help me. I like the rush though. Its fun answering questions, talking future technology, and keeping track of everything going on.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer was in our building this morning. He was giving a future outlook on technology presentation. This afternoon, none other than Al Gore was at the Home Office giving a presentation on his new documentary and global warming. I did not get to attend either, but I was able to watch a live broadcast of Al Gore presentation. He's a real funny guy.

After work, I got robbed at the gas station, and then went home. Before I knew it, it was time to go to back to work to supervise. I picked up a nice little frame for a picture I found the other day. Its here sitting by my monitor now. Its the first bit of decoration I've done here, besides my framed autographed copy of my cousin's album.

Well that's it for me tonight. I'm pretty much back into the swing of blogging... I'm eventually going to try and makes these a bit more profound.

~JL

Just Like GWB

I love funnel cake. Trips to Great Adventure always meant we would have funnel cake when we were leaving. You can imagine how pleased I am that IHOP conveniently sells funnel cake now. Its very close to home, and I can eat it until I get tired of it.

I had to work tonight to supervise a job. The location was 30 minutes from here. On my way back I spoke to my brother on the phone, and once we were done I realized it was 10:30 and I had not had dinner yet... and I remember IHOP is right at my exit, so it was a very easy decision to make. Now I'm not condoning funnel cake for dinner... that is very bad... in fact I won't sit here and write that I ate funnel cake for dinner, but I will say that I'm eating it now and it tastes gooooooood.

The work politics have begun. It was only a matter of time. The position I have right now isn't very glamorous, but it is high exposure. The good thing about it is that when things go wrong, people understand, and when things go well, they go amazingly well... so now that my co-worker is gone people are coming from left and right to try and take the position that I should naturally, and have already started to be in. Its pretty funny to watch... I came up with this technique...

The ones that want the position need to ask manager permission first of course, but also need to show that they know what's going on in the lab... so they come to me and say... "copy me on all your meetings and keep me updated on the lab schedule." They are in senior positions so I can't say no, but if I just complied they would eventually take my information and disseminate it as if its their own... so I respond, "sure, in fact, I'll keep everyone aware of what is going on." That way, I'm the only one disseminating information, and everyone can see that. My plate is pretty full at work already, and this politics stuff is something I don't want to deal with, but its the subtle things that make the most difference. At first I thought I was overanalyzing, but I really see things happening, so I'm trying to take pre-emptive action like GWB.

~JL

Just be Humble

Today was my first day running the show at work. I think I did pretty well. Of course, everything that could go wrong did, but in situations like that, damage control means more than the intended original outcome. Everyone understands that ish happens, what sets you apart from the rest is how well you deal with it.

We had a going-away lunch for my co-worker. I can tell he's really excited to be going home. He's from Michigan and he's driving up there tomorrow morning bright and early. He said its going to take 18 hours. That's way out of my range. 4 hours is my limit. I've already decided my car may never see NJ because that drive is supposedly 24 hours... no thanks.

I think I'm going to drive to Dallas after all. It breaks my 4 hour limit (4.5 hrs) but it shouldn't be that bad. It just seems too close to really justify flying, and it will save a lot of money, and I won't have to rent a car when I get there. Leaves more money to shop as well. I think its the right decision, even if it costs 9 hours as well.

We have an MBA intern on our team from Stanford. He is very bright... BUT, there are some noticeable problems. He comes off as being very... show-offy... but the funny thing is that he does it in such a way that it isn't very obvious. He is talented in a sense that he chooses his words very well and quickly, he can lead conversations where he wants them to go, and he has a very good memory... He's making an impact because people know his name and personality aside, people have good things to say about him, but I guess he's one step away from gaining my complete respect. He just isn't humble enough... and if its one thing I've learned here its that being humble is what separates good employees from great employees. MBA and Stanford come up in every other sentence. I'm not jealous... it just looks really bad after a while... yes its impressive at first, but it gets old very quickly.

There is one person I know here who is in the highest non-executive technical position we have. I was asking about him and I was told... "He is responsible for a lot of the core infrastructure architecture, but he would never say so." I asked why and they said, "that's just how he is." Meanwhile, people noticed his accomplishments anyway and he's all the way at the top. In contrast I know someone else who feels he has to make sure everyone knows his accomplishments. Don't get me wrong, he is one of the best technical people I know, but he just isn't very humble. I think his promotions are deserved technically, but are mostly a result of him not being able to work well on a team. Things have to be done his way, which is usually right, but it turns team members off about working with him. I think his lack of being humble is what is keeping him one level below the top technical position. Managers continue to give him something to strive for, but also know that him being in that position would completely change his mentality (even more negatively). He's always throwing around his experience, "I've been here 16 years, I know what I'm talking about"... yes, those people exist, and I'm glad to know him because I know how to work with them, even though its not very easy. That's my lesson for today. Those who exalt themselves are humbled, and those who humble themselves are exalted... (that is in the Bible somewhere). The best analogy is arriving at a dinner celebration and sitting at the head of the table without knowing what or who the occasion is for. Its always better to be humble BECAUSE if the event is for you, you'll be exalted and told to sit at the head... but if its not for you... you're in the clear. Conversely, if you sit at the head and its not for you... you're going to look really stupid moving to another seat.

That's it for today...

~JL

Just Extreme

I have an extra ticket to my cousin's performance in Dallas. If anyone knows someone in that area that might be interested let me know. Don't want a ticket to go to waste.

Today is sports day. I'm watching the Wimbledon Men's finals now and then its the World Cup. I'm not too excited, but it is more sports than I watch... or look forward to regularly.

I've been watching the Discovery channel lately. Maybe its the geek in me, but I love Extreme Engineering... if its one thing that won't ever change, its that I am an engineer. The latest episode was about a building called Sky City. As with most of the extreme engineering projects, all plans and problems associated with the project have been thought about and solved, but there are currently no plans on the horizon to actually build the structure. Sky City is a 2/3 mile tall building that will solve Tokyo's population problems. The building's footprint would be 30 acres, and its designed to have everything including living areas, offices, malls and stores of all kinds. They said that currently an individual in Tokyo spends 2-4 hours commuting each day, which equates to approximately 5 years of their life being taken from them. Sky City would allow all commuting to be done within the building, and while not necessary, it would be possible for an individual to live cradle to grave witohut ever leaving the building.

I found it interesting. The other project I really like is the transatlantic tunnel. I don't know if I've ever mentioned it before, but through the use of a vacuum (no air resistance) and magnetic levitation trains, travel between New York and London in this tunnel would take less than 1 hour. All the technology for these projects exist, they are just so extreme that its really impossible for any entity to finance them.

Sky City
http://dsc.discovery.com/convergence/engineering/skycity/interactive/interactive.html

Transatlantic Tunnel
http://dsc.discovery.com/convergence/engineering/transatlantictunnel/interactive/interactive.html

~JL

Just Miseducated

Lauryn Hill's CD is still in my car. Today, the first track played (an intro track) and I realized something pretty interesting. Perhaps I'm just really late with the whole thing, but it made the CD much more meaningful in my mind.

I spoke recently about how the interludes are a class of teenagers in school talking about love and what it means to them. In the introduction when the teacher takes attendance, Lauryn is absent from class that day. Perhaps the lessons she would have learned that day in class (that we hear throughout the entire CD) could have prevented her from learning things the hard way later in life... hence the reason for most of the songs on the CD. Like I said, maybe I'm just really late.

~JL

Just so you Know...

Today was the big day. I don't want to talk about work, but I will briefly. This was my co-worker's last day. Our other main guy is on vacation. No one has spoke to me yet about how things are going to change, but as it stands right now, I'm in charge. No, I don't run the team, or the projects, but I drive the technology and that's exactly where I want to be right now. We'll see how long it lasts.

A new club opened up in the area. Before i had to travel 30 minutes to Fayetteville for a hint of fun, but this club has potential. The only time I went in there was a Thursday night so it was slow, but I'm going tonight with some friends and we're hoping for a better turnout. They did a great job on the interior of this place, and I think its exactly what this area needed. It was a very good idea.

I wish there was more going on, but not right now. I applied for an advisory board position with NSBE, and I'm waiting to hear back from them. Besides that, I still want to get more involved in the area, but I just have to find what to do. I'd really like to own some property so I can do some projects - but the projects I want to do are along the lines of renovating, while the property I'd be most inclined to buy would be new. Its a trade off I guess. My co-worker is selling his house so if the price is right, who knows? My concern around here is that they are building homes like crazy, and right now I'm sure there are hundreds of completed homes sitting empty. I don't doubt that they will sell eventually, but who knows when that will be, and all those empty homes can't be good for the market.
;-)
We'll see what happens. I'm getting ready to go out. AND just so you know, I come up with blog titles after I write... even though I talk about a ton of different subjects. I find its a lot easier than thinking of a title beforehand and then trying to conform to it.

~JL

Just Thinking...

Well, its about that time. I'm going to try and get back in to regular blogging mode. Its bad when it starts to feel like a chore... but its not like that anymore. At one point I felt my entries had to be so profound that I wouldn't post if it didn't meet my expectations.

Unfortunately there isn't much to talk about. Anything major that comes to mind is always work related, and I want to keep that out of here. Though, there have been some major things going on at work... I just won't talk about it.

I'm a big fan of "The Office" on NBC. I collected all the episodes. I started watching them again over the past few days. Its a different kind of humor. It takes a few episodes to really learn the characters and get into it, but once you're there, you'll understand. The main guy is an ass and he just doesn't know it... but he's the boss so no one really tells him.

I need help staying on top of music. I'm cut off from mainstream down here. I have a big enough collection to keep me happy but sometimes there is nothing better than new, good music. I don't know how many people still read this, I only know of one, but the more help the better.

A friend of mine once said that when she is bored, she likes to just count things. I tried to think about what I do when I'm bored. I was really bored in a meeting today and unfortunately my first inclination is to just fall asleep - but that didn't happen. I just let my mind drift... same thing here at home as well. I like to just lay down and think. Only problem is that sometimes thinking can exacerbate stress or feelings... depending on what you're thinking about of course. I guess the alternative would be to dream, but I don't like taking naps after work... it makes me feel like I'm wasting my life away. Thursday nights (tonight) some people from work get together at a local restaurant so I'll probably head over to that.

Blogging is a one-way and general type of communication. I've been trying to think of more to write but I think I've said as much as I can without needing responses, or talking to any one person in particular... so I'll live a little bit more and get back to you. Off to make dinner.

~JL

Just in my Mind

So many thoughts, so little time...

Cold turkey isn't all its cut out to be.
I hope you still feel the same. The "abruptness" leads me to question.
I'm trying to go to Dallas to see my cousin, and the two day trip is becoming amazingly expensive. I have to splurge but I don't want to feel guilty about it. I'll figure something out.

A lot is going on at work. I have to see how it all plays out. Nothing bad, just big changes... not sure what it means for me just yet.

That's it really. It all adds up to a pit in my stomach... which means I feel it all even though I don't think about it. Dallas doesn't really count... its the cold turkey and work that has me kinda stressed. But as far as both are concerned, we just have to see what happens.
I miss you...
~JL

Just Amazed

I just got back from Superman. It brought me straight back to childhood. Along with my "We Sing" video, the day I learned to use the VCR by myself, the only other tapes around were Back to the Future, and Superman. To say I watched them over and over again is an understatement. The theme music from those movies have a greater effect on me than the ice cream truck song does on little kids.

I was definitely looking forward to seeing the movie, but I had no idea I'd feel like a kid again. That's what it did for me. Now I know nothing is ever as good as the original, but maybe its not fair to make that comparison. For what the story was, and using today's technology I think it was a great representation of today's Superman... not the character... but in terms of making a movie that can do today what the original did before. Story aside, I was absolutely amazed at the visuals. I have honestly never seen anything like it before. It wasn't perfect, but in most cases it was absolutely stunning. I'd say it makes parts of the Matrix look like high-school level AutoCAD. What I'm getting at is that it took Superman to the next level. Using the capabilities of today's technology, I saw things that a Superman could and should be able to do, and I believed it too... things that the technology at the time of the originals just could not begin to show.

I don't really pay for music unless I think its worth it... and the music industry hasn't been doing anything different to get any of my money... but if the movie studios not only keep making movies like this, but also continue to put the level of attention into the detail that I am coming to expect, then they will have no problem getting my money for a movie ticket, and a DVD purchase. It makes sense... after seeing the movie I know what I'm getting. I still refuse to buy an album because of a good single to find out the rest of the album is crap. They got enough of my money over the years by doing that. I refuse to give them any more... unless its my cousin of course... her album is quality.

I've priced an amazing home theater because of this movie... and I hope to have it completed by the Superman DVD release. (It won't be done by then, but it is time for me to start looking at getting one anyway, my living room is still empty after 5 months).



So pretty. This is a Sony DVD Dream System... can't decide the TV yet.. by the time I'm ready I'd want a different one.

Go see Superman if you haven't.

~JL