Just a New Definition

I broke out Lauryn's Miseducation album to play in the car today. It has interludes with school children talking about love. One interlude addressed the difference between loving and being in love. I'll comment on that difference.

I think most people agree that being in love with someone is much stronger than loving someone. As said on the album, you can love anybody... but I believe there is nothing more tragic than loving someone, and not having that love returned.

To be "in love" with someone means just that... its a bond. It implies that the person you love, loves you the same way back. I guess the point I'm making is... I don't think its possible for someone to be "in love" with another if that love is not returned... because then the full feeling has not been reached. A different level of love is reached when you realize that the other person feels the same way.

Just my take on the interlude.

~JL

Just in a Soulmate

This entry was a lot longer until I realized a problem and fixed it.

Have you ever regret doing the right thing?

Just Intense

Learned a big lesson the past week... my cousin sings about it in her song Trouble Sleeping.

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
...
Couldn't I blame something else
Don't say I'm falling in love.

I've been there before and I got HURT. Then I let it happen again with the same person. I didn't get hurt this time around, but obviously the situaiton is really different (being that I'm 1000 miles away). Just makes me wonder what is supposed to happen.

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but for the past week all my energy went to her. There is nothing I can do with those feelings down here so I did the last thing I wanted to do and we mutually agreed to stop talking. There is a much bigger situation that I won't get into, but as far as I'm concerned, I couldn't walk around feeling the way I did while knowing she was so far away... and then knowing that even if I were back home, things might not work out anyway. Back to square one again???

Just the thought of square one hurts when you're leaving a relationship, or know that you may already know the person out there for you... but after a little while, being single isn't so bad. I'm trying to get back into the free state of mind I came down here with, even though this past week was very intense... surprisingly intense since she isn't even here.

Today I went to the mall and spent money to cheer myself up. I usually think spending money will help, but it rarely does. Only time helps in these situations. Its not a problem though. I've been trying to think about other things, and I know I'll be fine in a little while. I went and bought myself a few nice shirts for work... (guess who has a meeting with the company CTO this week). We'll be talking about the CTO role, and possible development paths. I'm glad she gave me some time to sit down with her. We may also touch on some diversity issues if time allows. That's right, this is one accomplished and powerful Black woman... I want to learn as much from her as I can.

I want to get involved and stay active. Maybe its the part of me that wants to be distracted from thinking about her, but I considered learning another instrument... I'm leaning toward the violin. I've also started studying for the GMAT, and I'm still thinking about some business ideas. I just don't like coming home and doing nothing, but this area doesn't lend itself to much more. I have people I chill with, but only Friday and Saturday. The rest of the week is pretty damn boring. I try my best to not let work creeep into my personal time, but I've been considering it just so I can keep occupied. (Don't worry, I won't be doing that).

I saw a funny contrast yesterday. At 5PM I was talking to a business vendor at work, just about my story and moving from Jersey to Arkansas. He said, "Its a big move, but its a great company and a great position... this will be great for your career." Leaving work, I was happy about my decision to come here... but no less than an hour later, I'm on the phone with her wishing I was back home. Why can't I have both?

Oh well.

~JL

Just getting the word out...

My cousin, Corinne Bailey Rae will perform on Good Morning America (ABC), this Monday morning, June 19th. Catch it if you can.

Her album comes out this Tuesday the 20th.

She will also be performing on Jay Leno, June 27th.

She is currently in the middle of a big VH1 "You Oughta Know" campaign... so I'm sure if you tune into VH1 or VH1 Soul, you'll see her.

Had to get the word out.

~JL

Just Researching

A big family reunion is in the works. I'm one of the planners. I've been trying to develop a family tree. There are a few holes, but going back to my great-grandfather, there are appreantly 275 living relatives. I'm absolutely amazed and I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't make the tree myself. I'm in generation 4 along with 140+ people. Generation 5 is just getting started.

But I just received some more information, and apparently my great-grandfather had 8 siblings. Now I don't know how much researching we're going to do... but don't be surprised if you get an invitiation.

~JL

Just in Peril

This entry is in response to At the Corner of Progress and Peril by Michael A. Fletcher.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/01/AR2006060102184.html

Connections

"On the streets, strangers frequently give each other an uptick of the head when their eyes meet, a nod of black male acknowledgment... Wherever black men congregate, there is often a comfort level that crosses class and generational lines..."

This acknowledgement is implied and expected. I've seen it more here than in NY, because it means more. It says I dont know you but you aren't alone. It says we are the same even though we're different. Its a matter of respect and puts every Black man, regardless of status or accomplishment, on the same level. Because where we are or ended up isn't necessarily due to a lack of drive or motivation, maybe it was lack of opportunity. Maybe it was a wrong place wrong time situation... because for black men those situations have a much greater impact on the rest of our lives... just as right place right time situations do.

I find myself battling because in a predominantly white environment, I don't want to just associate with black men like myself. Executives work hard to bring diversity to the workplace yet we segregate ourselves by sitting at the same lunch table. They learn nothing from us when we do that, but at the same time that is how we are most comfortable.

A black director here is two levels above me. I normally would set up an appointment with a director's secretary, or go thugh my manager, but I can walk into his office and have a conversation with him. We afford each other those luxuries, possibly because we have to. Because the black man you see cleaning the park, at work, driving a truck, or just out of college is you. There is a larger divide for other races, mainly because experiences growing up are so different. But for black men, even growing up in homes with higher income levels, school experiences, job experiences, media exposure, are all the same, regardless of where you live or how much your family makes. How can you not afford yourself a little preferential treatment when you encounter... you?


Black Boy - says you can't but causes some to do it anyway.

"You are a black boy. That's two things you will always have against you."

"Now, Ferguson understands that his father, an employee of the Santa Clara County transit system, was merely trying to prepare him for a harsh world. But in his young mind, his father's message was confusing -- and a little disabling. 'It kind of brings you down,' he says. 'I know it is supposed to make you strive harder. But when you hear that over and over, it makes you believe you are not supposed to succeed.'"

A good point was made. However, it should be noted that in many cases people achieve goals because they were told they couldn't. Perhaps there is duality to being a Black Boy - being set up to fail, but with a drive to succeed... and the three paths that we fit into that were mentioned in the beginning of the article, are either one, the other, or a combination of both.

However, in response to what he said, perhaps we do a disservice to our youth by alerting them to the hardships that will come. Youth is for some the only time one can enjoy not having to worry about the hardships. My parents never let me know... my mom alerted me to how people think in a different way. She used to ask me questions like, "When you saw that man, what went through your mind first?... the fact that he is a doctor or that he is black?" English says he is a black doctor... but when it really matters, in a life or death situation, he is a doctor first, then black. What do you see first? My brother and I were pretty sheltered... and I can't think of a better example of how two black men can be exactly the same, but just affected by society differently. We both think exactly alike, yet act very different, look at the world differently, present ourselves to the world differently. Its like two people being faced with the same situation, going through the same train of thought, yet somehow still arriving at different conclusions. Its the little experiences that make Black men different, so its easier for us to be the same when we're together.


Fear-Fascination

"When you look at American popular culture, it is really driven by hip-hop, and young, African American men are the face of hip-hop," says S. Craig Watkins, a University of Texas researcher. "It speaks to the fear-fascination relationship the nation has with black men."

I can't remember the report I wrote about this. However, I do remember that I was trying to explain to my humanities class how hip-hop bridges the cultural divide, and how many aspects of pop-culture start out of trends initiated in black culture. I've mentioned this in my blog before, but I'll say it again. She replied, "White America has never had a problem with Black culture, the problem has been with Black people." This speaks directly to the fear-fascination mentioned in the article. It almost seems the perfect designating phrase. I make it a point not to lock the car door in the similar situation mentioned in the article... but its still a problem if it crosses my mind. It just that images are so powerful they put us against ourselves. How can we ever unite as a race if we even fear each other? Yes there is fear-fascination, but that term applies to other races looking at black men. For us, its just fear, and perhaps this is the root of the problem that has spawned so much interest over the past 100 years. Perhaps we are destroyed by the pereceived image of ourselves being projected right back onto us. Why else would us as cultural leaders represent the least successful group in society if not for the fear in the fascination?

Thanks again Pops.

~JL

Just to Music Fans

My cousin's song is the FREE download of the week on the iTunes music store.

Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On (Acoustic)

~JL

Just Motivate

I'm getting some more responsibility. I'm doing what I said I would and setting myself up to be the go-to person. It doesn't take long. I was proactive about pushing a few projects and now I don't own them, but at least I'm part of them. Sometimes it takes motivating people to get things moving. I find some people are stuck in a rut with their jobs, to the point where they don't really care anymore. It could happen to anyone, but I'm here to get stuff done. That's what leadership is all about. I'm not in charge, but I want to see results just like my superiors. I don't need my name on the results, but I'd rather be unnamed and successful than a named member of the group that failed.

I don't feel like I'm spreading myself thin... Its good to keep busy. The only problem I noticed today is that the facility I'm in is so big, that when I do have several different things going on, walking around takes up a lot of time. It takes 10 minutes to walk from where I am to the parking lot. But I'm not complaining. Its not a substitute for the gym, but it can't be bad. Glad I'm not at a desk all day. I don't knock it though... they may put me there one day, but for now, life is good.

Big meeting tomorrow morning at 7AM. That's right. I have to get up extra early. That's usually when I get to work BUT the meeting happens to be a 30 min drive from here... compared to my usual 2 min drive to work. I'm off to bed.

~JL