Just Felt Something

I felt something, so I'm going to try and write about it... somewhat in response to a friend's blog. I don't want to use my normal method of writing, where its persuasive, but that's what happens when I don't get specific, so persuasive it is.

Why is it that you can meet someone, or know someone and feel like they are the one for you... (not love at first sight, but enough for you to know that the someone is special or worth knowing), yet you try and do everything possible, as much as you can, and things don't go your way? For me, keeping that knowledge in the back of your mind, knowing that you want to be perfect for/in front of the person you like, adds so much pressure. In many cases, it causes things to backfire.

So they say, just be yourself, well, maybe yourself isn't the norm, in a sense that what works for many is not what you have to offer. That should be a good thing, but when you come off as being different, you are seen as such, and its not necessarily received as a good thing. I'm not complaining... I'm content... but I've digressed from the point I'm really trying to get to...

Unfortunately, I've been hurt enough to be slightly immune to it. I don't put myself out there like I should, even though that's what I wish people did more of. It avoids all the games people play... and like Dizzy said, just makes things a lot simpler in the long run. But what I don't understand is how the mind or the heart lets you get so carried away. Having an active imagination does more bad than good in these cases. Sure you picture all the possible outcomes in your mind, and can even get carried away with thinking about a future with that person. All this before you've made a move... and its devastating when things don't go your way. So isn't this the root of all the games people play? Using the mind to protect the heart, even though the heart makes things as simple as possible... we try and make it a calculating process, where ultimately, no one wins.

Then there is that delicate balance, where you want more than friendship, but friendship is going well. Trying to push for more can change everything... so then its all or nothing... and most people definitely don't want the nothing... so is going for all worth it? At the same time, if you're going to live an emotionless existence, then its not worth living... and you miss 100% of chances you don't take... so there's no chance of success if you don't take the chance. What's the answer? There is none. But its easy to get caught up thinking about it. I guess I look at everything as being a problem with a solution... maybe I'm still using the mind too much.

~JL