just His plan

The party photos are on the facebook. If you want to see them, not only do you have to be on facebook, but you have to know me. Can't let just anybody see those... I don't even know everyone who reads this thing. There's nothing incriminating in them, but that's the point of facebook... if you're not my friend, why do you want to see my pictures?

I'm sure a lot more happened but nothing came to mind that I thought I should specifically talk about. It was just a good time. Today I did a lot of preparation for the move. I finalized everything with my apartment (I have my address now). I packed some more (only clothes are left, and this computer). I'm ready to book my flight... that's right, I decided to fly down and FedEx my stuff instead of renting a truck. I really don't have that much, and its pointless to get a truck I'm barely going to fill, and drive 24 hours... that's actually pretty dangerous. E said he could come with me, but I start on the 6th and my apartment is ready on the 2nd... if we stuck with the original plan, it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I'm rambling, but that is what's been going on. My parents are planning something for me this Saturday, and it turns out I have an English relative flying in later in the week, possibly just for me... well I can't say that, she hasn't been here in a while and there are other family members for her to see, but I can at least think its just for me.

The title today... well, I haven't been to church in two weeks, and sadly its because of my parties. My view on religion, and it leads into the story I have today, is that I've always seen it as a personal thing. I honestly believe it is one of the inherent rights of all people to believe what they want to believe, so I do not seek to impart my views on another, even if that is contrary to church teachings. So today is no different, but my title, "just His plan," comes from my belief that everything happens for a reason. We may not always get what we want, but perhaps we don't get what we want so that another better opportunity, object, or relationship can come along later... or perhaps its so that we can learn and grow from the situation, so that we can affect some change in the future. The story, well, its not much of a story, but I waited too long to let someone know how I felt, and I missed my chance. I was younger than I am now, I won't make that mistake twice, but while I feel like I missed the chance at having perfection (in my eyes), instead of kicking myself, I have to believe its for a reason. See, I don't know what that reason is... so for me, its not about knowing what the reason is, its about knowing that its not my plan that's important, its about His plan for me. I think the only reason I can say something like that is, looking back, I have had a very good life. I am very fortunate, and in the darkest of times (and I have been fortunate to not have had many) things just seemed to work out for the best... almost like they were supposed to work out that way. So this new chapter of my life that I'm about to begin, as drastic a change as it is, seems the easiest decision I have ever made. Even if it means nothing ever happens with perfection (in my eyes). I believe its all part of a larger plan, His plan, that I am a part of. I also believe that if perfection is in His plan for me, then the day will come, even if geography says its impossible now. More than a belief, this is a mentality. I have shared with everyone a big part of what makes me tick... and its not about what you believe, or whether I'm right or wrong, its just how I think. Sometimes we get caught up with developing our own plans and then wondering why they don't work out, or being upset when they don't work out. They say hindsight is 20/20 vision. Ever wonder why that is?

~JL